The North Efate Principal's Association Year-End Report

The North Efate Principal's Association (NEPA) is a group of about 16 principles of schools on and around North Efate.  We hosted this year's year-end meeting.  Here is my report.

December 6

I wake up at about 5:00, as usual.  My hours have shifted since I came here.  I don't have any specific responsibilities for today that I know of.  I know Paul, my school principal, will be up early today to get things prepared, so after 6:00 I head over to his house to see how I can help.

I helped write up the program for today's meeting, so I know we're supposed to start at 8:00.  This means we might start by 11:00.  That isn't an editorial or snarky, that's just how time works here.

He asks me to take the generator and the projector to the nakamal (a large general purpose meeting hall).  His wheelbarrow is nowhere to be found, so off I go to find a wheelbarrow.  After borrowing one, I head back to his house.  His daughter, Leisau, who is temporarily home from Fiji where she is attending school, helps me load it into the wheelbarrow.  Off I go with the projector and generator.

I put the projector in the nakamal and unload the generator nearby.  The nakamal is already decorated, all the tables have calico neatly pinned on top, and there are several sets of water pitchers with glasses around the tables.  It looks like a conference room, but island style and better.

In the kitchen outside, people are preparing food.  Food is always a big part of well, any event of any kind here, and there will be a veritable feast later for lunch.  I go return the wheelbarrow right away--people need them all the time here--and head back to his house.

He's not there.  I'm told he's on the other side of the village somewhere, killing and butchering a pig for the meeting.

There isn't much for me to do for this one.  I'm not speaking or presenting, and all of the other preparation activities are covered already.  I go back to my house.  

I learn that Terry's cow (name of Whitey) gave birth early that morning.  Nobody knew it was pregnant.  The problem is, the mother isn't letting it nurse.  Simmah says she'll mix up some powdered milk for it.

Then I go work at the store next door for a little bit.  The store belongs to Andrew and Leinawota.  Andrew is working in New Zealand as a seasonal farm worker for 7 months, so I help out at the store sometimes.

Sometime after ten, Paul calls me and tells me to head to the nakamal with my laptop, which we'll be using with the projector.  Glad it has a charge.  I hook everything up and make sure the projector is pointed at the right place and focused and take a seat.  The other principals are already there.  I know some of them, but most of them I only see rarely and don't remember their names.  We say hello and all that.

The meeting starts with an opening prayer, a welcome from our village chief, some singing, and an exchange of gifts.  The chief isn't actually there.  He almost never comes to events like this.    I think this is pretty normal, or the chief would constantly be attending a ton of little meetings.  In his place is the chairman of the village council, Noel.

The slide show runs without incident.  The presenter reads everything on the slides.  It is about as engaging as a slide show at a meeting like this can be. There is brief discussion afterwards.  Someone says they should use Facebook more for discussion.  Something something something.

Another principal gives a report on NEPA's finances.  Beforehand, she handed out a 3-column spreadsheet with all the details.  She reads out the spreadsheet, line for column and line for line.  That ends.

Paul has a gift for all the principals.  He has spent the past several weeks making coconut scrapers for everyone.  They're made out of thick slabs of one of the tropical hardwoods here, with heavy duty cast-iron scrapers and I think they'll last 40 years, easy.  Everybody gets one, and there are even some tears.  This is a significant gift, and they're made well and look great.

One of the principals has a gift for me too, a placemat.  I fixed her computer once.  Totally didn't expect that, and it is touching.  I'l hang it up.

And that's it.  There is a final thank you, a closing prayer. and we're done.  But wait, Paul announces, there is one more order of business.  We have to decide who will host the meeting next year.  To make the decision, Paul goes and gets the pig's head on a platter, and forms a sort of conga line of the mamas dancing around the meeting tables.  It turns into a sort of musical chairs, except with a pig's head and where the head stops, that principal has to host the meeting next year.

The winner!

The mamas who have been preparing lunch start bringing trays full of food.  Tray after tray after tray.  A ridiculous amount of rice, yams, sweet potato, breadfruit, fish, pineapple, pamplemousse (Way out of season--where did they get it?), chicken, and the pig that was butchered earlier. I load up my plate 

To drink we have--Wait, what is this?  Wine?  I have never ever seen wine at a meeting or event.  Not once.  It just isn't done.  Even though the box of wine (box wine was invented in Australia btw, and is also the cheapest wine to buy here) is right there, next to the cups full of wine, which are clearly white wine, I ask one of the mamas if that is wine.  She says yes, as though they always have wine.  I ask if I can have one, and she says yes.  I take the most full cup and find a seat, next to Pastor Les.

The pastor and I talk about school, water, and is daughter.  His daughter was in class 6 which I taught in 2017.  In 2018 she went to Ulei school across the channel for class 7, and was #1 in her class in all subjects.  Smart kid.  Everyone is very happy for her, but I want her to go to a better and tougher school so she can really take off.  #1 at Ulei means she isn't being challenged enough.

Someone gets their phone out and a big bluetooth speaker appears somehow, and there is music.  Paul isn't drinking by the way.

I finish eating and enjoy my wine.  I spot Rax with the mamas.  Rax is a man but prepares food with the mamas and works at the market in Vila with the mamas.  In Vanuatu, they say he is a man who acts like a woman.

However my concern about Rax is that he loves wine (and beer and kava and so on) and he will drink more than his rightful share, denying me of my rightful amount (a quantity which is loosely defined as, as much as I want).  I quickly go get cup number two and enjoy that.

I'm now lightly drunk and enjoying it.  The food was great.  This is turning out to be easily one of the best meetings I've attended.  They even have cake.  I try it but it is terrible.  Honestly they don't know how to make good cake here.  It is always dry.  But wine!

The speaker dies.  I offer to go get mine.  Before I go I gather my computer, umbrella, and gift and take them back to my house.

I return not ten minutes later with the speaker and sit down.  Someone connects to it and music starts back up.

I see an empty bottle of tequila con cafe on the table.

Tequila con cafe

I'm just staring at it like a monkey at a monolith, then I look over and notice a principal opening bottle number two.  Seriously, I wasn't gone ten minutes and they already polished off one?  She is mixing it with milk.  Well, cafe+milk, right?  She offers me some, which I eagerly accept.  It is delicious.  It is adult chocolate milk and this meeting is now the very best meeting I have been to.  I drink a few more glasses.  It would be rude to refuse.  The mamas have gone, so no competition from Rax!

Principal Daniel from Tanoliu school is not drinking.  He also drives a bus and drove many of the people to the boat landing to come to Moso.  At some point he says it is time to go.  Then an hour (or two?) or so of drinking later he says it again and we go.  At Paul's insistence, I carry the speaker with me so the music can continue.   We take all the principals to two boats that are waiting.

I decide I want to go for a boat ride so I go with them.  People tell me to get out of the boat, but I tell them I'm done with Tasiriki and leaving for good.  I'm in Pastor Owen's boat.  He slowly (because there are so many people on the boat and he wasn't drinking) takes us across the channel.  Two buses are waiting to take everyone home.

But before that can happen, someone produces a couple bottles of red wine and some paper cups.  I had no idea I was with such fine people.  I enjoy my paper cup of wine, and, not wanting to pollute, fold it up in my pocket, say goodbye to everyone, and get back in the boat with Pastor Owen.

He says we have to make a stop to load up some coconuts into the boat.  Side trips like this are very normal.  Everybody here does subsistence farming and there is always work to do.  We stop elsewhere on the island and load coconuts into his boat, a task much more enjoyable when you're drunk by the way.

When we get back to Moso, we unload the coconuts.  I head back to the nakamal.  Clean up has started.  Paul's daughter has found a wheelbarrow and has a load of stuff to take back.  I ask her to bring the wheelbarrow back and help me load the generator again.  She agrees, but it turns out she is not telling the truth.

The music is still going, and a group of mamas is just haging out, relaxing by the kitchen.  Paul urges me to dance, which doesn't take much at this point.  I like "Calculate", a Ugandan song that is popular here now, so I play that first.

I get some of the mamas to dance with me.  I mean otherwise, what is the point?  They dance a little, but I stop when they stop.

Teacher Daniel (different from principal Daniel I mentioned earlier, who is gone) shows up and is quite drunk, much more than I am, and he has a bottle of red wine.

When some people get drunk they get belligerent, or sad, or handsy, or quiet, or loud, or whatever.  Drunk teacher Daniel, and I am not making this up, can't stop talking about how great education is and how much he respects you.  He may be the sweetest guy I know.  He's a total natural with his students too.

For some reason Daniel is worried that he doesn't have a cup.  (People often assume here that because I'm white I won't share a bottle; they think it is something only black people do.)  To his surprise, I produce my folded-up cup and tell him to pour away, which he does.  The bottom is a little leaky.  No problem, I just drink it very quickly.

We go over to a bench under a tree where Rax and someone else is sitting.  Rax has a hibiscus flower in his hair, puts one in mine.  Again, my concern is the wine.  People disperse after a while.

I go back to the nakamal.  The wheelbarrow is back, but Leisau is nowhere to be seen.  She probably saw me dance and high-tailed it out of there.  I load up the generator and take it to Paul's, unload it, then take the wheelbarrow to the owner's house.

I head back to the nakamal but things are wrapped and I go home.  Whitey and her calf are there but Whitey still won't let the baby nurse.

Whitey and her calf

It is dark now.  I have a battery powered micro projector, and show movies at night.  I set it up and start a movie.  It was either "Unbreakable" or the 1980s made for tv movie, "Kenny Rogers as The Gambler", I can't remember now.  I almost never watch them because I've seen them before.  Well I don't think I've seen all of The Gambler, but I really don't need to.

Terry has filled a Tusker bottle (the local beer) with milk and is giving it to the calf, which he has named Tusker.

I see Rono walking purposefully.  I ask, "Afta?" roughly meaning, "So what are you doing?" and he's going to take a boat across to Tanoliu to buy kava.  At this point I've been lightly to moderately drunk most of the day and know I have to keep moving.  If I don't I'll fall asleep and I don't want to.  I give Rono some money for gas and tell him I'm coming with him.  A few other guys do too and off we go.

We drink kava at Tanoliu for an hour or so and then come back.  The kava is pretty good tonight, which means you don't have to drink very much to get a nice kava buzz.

At this point I'm not sure about the chain of events.  I stay up for a while texting people.  Some more conversation.  I watch some of the movie. Kenny Rogers looks fat in it.

Thus ends my summary of the North Efate Principal's Association Year-End Report.